Everyone has a story. Mine would take up a book on its own, but not so much because of the external events that did or did not take place over the course of my life. It is the inner journey of turmoil that marked my youth and most of my adult life thus far which would fill volumes. Yes, there was discord and in the home, multiple moves and school changes including a year abroad that uprooted me in more ways than one, a divorce, and so on. Again, nothing a lot of people can’t relate to. The fact that I was a sensitive child probably made everything more difficult. On the outside, things looked ok most of the time. That is because I learned to shove feelings down and plow through life robotically and with a forced strength that is not to be admired. Essentially, I went into hiding in order to protect myself, and this caused me to lose, to forget and to deny the real me, the authentic me, the person I was born to be. It’s like I went to sleep under a blanket of false pretenses. The sleep would last so long that I would mistake that state as who I was.
I was an over-achieving student from an early age, focusing all my attention on schooling as a source of stability and self-esteem. By the time I entered my last year of University, I began unraveling. I had reached a breaking point mentally and could no longer keep it all together. Insomnia, anxiety and panic attacks set in, and later depression would sneak into the picture. Through it all, I still managed to make it look like everything was ok on the surface, when it was far from being ok inside my body-mind, and my heart. I felt shattered and was holding on by a thread.
I always had an interest in personal growth and development, as well as matters of a spiritual nature. As I unravelled mentally and emotionally (and this happened over years), I plunged head first into the journey of self-discovery and self-healing. I decided I would get to the bottom of what was ailing me on all levels, and that I was ready and willing to face whatever came up. I’ve had to reintegrate all the parts of myself into a whole, and to reintegrate back into life. I’ve had to come out of hiding. It took me over a decade to do the work, but in actuality I believe I have been trying all my life to make my way back to the real me.
As a child, I made an abrupt, unconscious decision to retreat and disappear from this world. The result was a severed connection from the world and a dissociated state of being. Doing the work to reconnect with myself physically, mentally and emotionally, to reconnect with others, to forgive and to let go of all that needed to be let go was a long and painfully difficult experience. I believe it was this way because I lacked the practical tools for making the realizations and changes I needed to make. I knew I needed to face what lurked under the surface, but I didn’t know how, and so I went about it using instinct and a lot of pleading-type prayer. I understood things in a book-smart sort of way, but had a hell of a time getting what I knew to become truth in the cells of my body and the deep space of my heart. I came through it, thank God, and so will you. The good news is that, and I strongly believe this, it does not have to be so difficult. You have only to be willing to do the work, to take a look at yourself and your life honestly so that you can let go of all that no longer serves you and open to receiving all that you need and want. The path to freedom starts right there, in the willingness to face the truth. As scary as that might be, it is necessary if we are to ever feel fulfilled and live up to our potential.
Life experience has allowed Nevine to gain experiential knowledge in the areas of well-being, relationships, and personal and spiritual development. She has also immersed herself in learning about home-based business building and growth. Her interests and passions lie in energy healing and applied spirituality; the ability to heal body, mind, heart and soul and integrate spiritual truths into everyday life in order to be established in a state of harmony.