In just a couple of hours, I board a plane to Orlando. I’ll be gone for 5 days in total. It’s a business trip with bonuses: I’ll be attending a convention, but also spending some time with a dear friend who happens to live in the same city where the convention is taking place.
I’m excited. It’s winter here in my part of the world, and I’m going to Florida. I’ll use every chance I get to leave the air-conditioned conference rooms and go outside to soak up some sun and warmth. I may even get to spend half a day with my friend doing something outdoors, perhaps even get to a beach! I’m thrilled to be seeing Isabelle, whom I haven’t seen in years. And, of course, I’m giddy about having some ME time. Even though it’s mostly business, I get to focus just on me. No household duties, no family responsibilities, no running around like a crazy person.
And then there’s the other side of the coin: I’m leaving my 3-year-old son, Jeremy. For the first time since his birth, I’ll be away from him for more than 24 hours. The guilt, the sadness, the concern! Will they (my son and husband) be ok? Will he freak out and wonder where Mommy is, or even worse will he not even notice I’m gone? Will I miss him so much I’ll want to come back home after 2 days? Surely the house will be in total disarray when I get back. I hope he (my hubby) will remember to feed the dog.
Dropping my son off at daycare this morning, I told him Daddy would be picking him up in the afternoon. He looked at me and said, with a big crocodile tear flowing down his cheek: “No, Mommy’s gonna pick me up!”
Well, there it is. The crocodile tear did it. Oh, the mixed bag of feelings!
The truth is I know they’ll be ok. I know my husband will step up and put his entire focus and attention on caring for our son. Our Bernese might get a little thirsty and Lord only knows if she’ll get a walk, but they will all live. They may even have fun. My son doesn’t get enough time with his Daddy; now’s his chance! I just hope he (hubby) remembers to turn off the burners…He has a bit of a tendency to forget…Should I leave a post-it note on the stove? Come on Shazli, have some faith.
Having mixed feelings is normal and part of being human. I don’t deny the feelings or try to push past them, I just let them be. They arise, they shift, they pass.
I did everything I could to ensure a smooth ride while I’m gone. The last load of J’s clothes is in the dryer, the fridge and freezer are stocked with easy-to-make meals, and the dog food has been purchased. There’s nothing more I can do. I trust and I let go.
I know this will be good for all of us. Mommy does need a break from the everyday and from all the responsibilities that come with motherhood and entrepreneurship. I really do look forward to uninterrupted sleep, meals I don’t have to prepare, interaction with fellow distributors and time with my friend.
So if you’ll excuse me, I must go fold some clothes and finish packing. Orlando, here I come!